A few weeks ago, I discovered a big ugly bruise on the inside of my left knee. No idea where it came from or how it got there, which is typical for someone on blood thinners, but as I touched this bruise, I realized that there was a teeny lump in the center of it. I wanted to believe it was a blood clot - maybe? - but I've felt enough melanoma lumps to see red flags now, no matter how small they are. I even asked Dr. Avizonas to feel it & assess it at my radiation follow-up appt last week. She could see the bruise, though it had faded a bit, and thought it was just blood from the impact of being whacked there. Of course, she said to keep an eye on it, but didn't seem too concerned, which made me relax too...at least until Tuesday night, when I started to wonder & worry again, knowing that I had discovered it for a reason & I'd have to bring it to Dr. G's attention the next morning.
Arrived at Huntsman super early, got my labs done & my port accessed for the infusion, found out I had gained a couple more pounds (Halloween candy to blame?), and got settled in the exam room to wait for nurse Carolyn. First thing she always asks is, "do you have any new concerns or complaints today?" Darn. First thing. It was inevitable. I told her about the bruise and showed her my leg. I honestly have not looked at the thing for a couple of days, so I was kind of surprised that the bruise had faded to almost nothing. But just in case I thought I wouldn't be able to find it, there was a yellowish circle around the pea-sized lump. Carolyn felt it, squeezed it (yeah, this little guy hurt), and got that worried look on her face that I've (unfortunately) seen more than once. "Do you remember hitting your knee?" she asked, and I said, no, I just noticed the big bruise one day after showering. "We'd better get this checked out then," she said. She went on to say that if I really had hit it hard on something, she wouldn't be as concerned because it would explain the bruise & the lump. But, since I couldn't recall exactly how it got there, the lump may have caused the bruise. That's something a cancerous lump would do. Of course, it would, the little devil. Weird.
The shrinking tumors in my back & groin were felt and then dismissed in light of this newest threat. Suddenly, they had taken the back seat. The techs from the lab were called to do a needle biopsy there in the exam room and arrived within minutes - one of the many perks of an early morning appt. three "passes", as they call the needle passing in & out of the lump, were taken and yes, it hurt! I admitted it to the senior tech and she said it was because the lump was so small, she had to pinch it between her fingers to do the passes. Lovely. Finally, they had enough "stuff" (tissue? blood?) to test, again done right there beside me. Whispered words I didn't understand, and then the announcement that it looked "suspicious" but required further testing. I knew. It was melanoma again.
Nurses Carolyn & Karen came back into the room to talk strategy. Dr. G was in a meeting, but they were keeping in contact with him. My blood tests had also come back and the notorious platelet & white blood cell counts were low again, even lower than they were at my last appt. Protein and albumin were also low, though I had had a protein drink for breakfast. So weird. What to do about that was still the burning question, but for sure, Dr. G wanted me to finish the IPI infusions & then we could figure something out. Because of the new tumor, my upcoming CT scan needed to be changed to a full-body PET scan so that it would include images of my legs. My wild imagination now believes there are tumors everywhere - legs, arms, brain - every aunt, uncle, & second cousin cancer cell coming out to party & invade. Horrors. But, I know it has to be done because after finding this little guy, I'm seriously NOT going to go looking anywhere else, no matter how many bruises decide to pop up. Not going to touch them, no way. If they're there, the scan will catch them...and everything else I don't want to know about right now.
I went to the infusion center pretty shaky from the news & the biopsy and discovered the only "chair" they had available was a BED. As if I didn't already feel like the typical cancer patient, which I usually don't, by the way. But it was kind of nice & I quickly recognized it as a mixed blessing. I could sit/lay more comfortably, I could turn on my iPad & play the Pandora shuffle (I love that I can listen to Keith Urban, Nat King Cole (Christmas Radio), Meryl Streep & "Dancing Queen", and Britt Nicole one after the other) without my head phones. The time went by fast...another blessing.
So again, I wait: for the exact date & time of the PET scan, for the formal results of the biopsy, and for an appointment with a hematologist who can, hopefully, figure out my blood counts. And then, what do we do with the lump? If he's the only one to come to the battle, I think out-patient surgery is on the horizon. If he's only one of the offenders, another course of action will be planned. It will be okay. It will all work out. We'll keep that celebration on the back burner for now.
Until the next update, these little people make me smile, day in & day out. I know my Heavenly Father blessed me with them specifically to help me through these rough, teary days. I wake up the next morning and know I can go on because of them. Enjoy!
And we can go on, Sista, because of YOU! You've got all our love and all our prayers, always. I think you can, I think you can, I think you can...
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