Love Song

Thursday, February 9, 2012: This post will be long-ish, I'm afraid, because I want to share some fun pictures and give an update. First, and most important, today Dean and I celebrate 33 years of marriage! How can it be? February 9, 1979, was a beautiful, sunny-but-cold winter day and I was ecstatically happy to be marrying my best friend in the temple. Every one of those 33 years was challenging, but joyful, too. I am not the person I was 33 years ago, and in many ways, that's a good thing. Through it all, he has loved me through the very best and the very worst of life. It's been like the blink of an eye and I look forward to our forever.

We are definitely 33 years older. Today's celebrations will be a nice dinner out (I think we're going for ribs) and maybe a movie - if I can keep Dean awake (his early morning work schedule is a beast). I actually forgot it was our anniversary a few times this week and made other plans for tonight that had to be canceled. That's what happens 33 years later - if it's not written in bright red marker with a big fat heart on the calendar, it's just another day. Happy Anniversary, honey, and thanks for the sweet kiss this morning.

"In other news", after spending three hours at Huntsman on Tuesday and another (almost) three hours there yesterday (yes, Lindsey and I were there at 3:50 for blood work, were taken into the exam room at 4:10, and didn't see Dr. Grossmann until almost 5:40! We didn't leave the building until about 6:20), the results of the scan are in...and it's not the good news we were hoping for.

The "hot spot" near or on or around the duodenum is still there and has grown a little, which may indicate a tumor. Dr. G used the words "may" and "may not" a lot during our conversation, which also indicates that they just don't know. It's still a mystery. It may or may not be a tumor, it may or may not be an inflammation or infection, it may or may not mean I have some other form of cancer now. He spent some of that time that Linds and I were waiting in the exam room (and not comfortably, as we were both freezing and had nervous stomachs) talking to Dr. Adler, the endoscopy doctor, as they both looked at the newest scan. Dr. Adler feels sure that he would be able to see this thing better with ultrasound and will go in for a third endoscopy with a "fatter" tube with some sort of little scissors on the end that he can snip off some tissue for a biopsy. Whatever it turns out to be, Dr. G thinks I will need to have it surgically removed, as it obviously should not be there. I saw the scan, and sure enough, there is my bright yellow active brain, my bright yellow hard-working heart, and this little ball of yellow right by my stomach. So very interesting and strange and scary.

The appointment for the endoscopy/biopsy will be within the next two weeks; Dr. Adler is setting that up. My next appointment with Dr. Grossmann will be for a CT scan in June, since (as he said), "You're going to be busy with this other thing for a while." The happy news, the silver lining in all of this, is that there are no other spots anywhere - no melanoma - and that is good news. If I just didn't have to worry about this other little spot...

I've done some crying and despairing, but hope remains. As Mom said when I told her, "All those people who prayed and supported you through the past year will still be there, and there are still more Miracles & Hope to be." I know. I really do know.

Enjoy the pictures of then and now...(Senior Prom 1975, wedding shower 1979, reception 1979, and RMF work party 2008?) Someday I hope to learn how to post pictures & words the RIGHT way...geesh...