Why Wait

Friday, February 24, 2012: It's been an interesting day, so I thought I'd talk about it. It's given me food for thought - maybe it will do the same for you.

Even before my diagnosis, I think I could be described as a come-what-may, laid back person. I'm basically positive (unless I'm struggling with my big weaknesses, which are usually financial) and I can generally see the "bright side of life." That's been a huge blessing this past year, when the world looked very bleak at times. But, really, I've had to learn and re-learn that PATIENCE is a God-given gift and it only comes after you've worn out your knees in prayer.

If practice makes perfect, I should be well on my way by now, don't you think? The w a i t i n g is the worst - waiting for tests to be taken, waiting for results to come back, waiting for procedures and treatments to be done and over, waiting for that ol' Goliath to load his slingshot again.

It's hard to wait for non-medical things, too - pay day, dinner out with my family, hugs from my grands, letters from friends, vacations, mornings you can sleep in, blockbuster movies...

This sounds kind of silly, but I'm also waiting for my hair to grow in at the nape of my neck (see the not-so-attractive picture of me with my "hair coloring" shirt on). The fluff that's growing in where the radiation killed the hair follicles is wild & woolly, curly & kinky. Very strange. And very gray! I called Wendy, my friend and new hairdresser, and asked for an appointment to get my hair cut and colored (I've always done my own), hoping she would say, "Sure, come on in right now!" Truth is, Wendy is a busy lady with lots of clientele who are hoping for the same thing, so when she said, "How about March 1?", I was disappointed and impatient. I want instant happiness NOW. So, I'm waiting...again.

Today, I was also asked an interesting question and I'm glad to say that I knew the right answer, thanks to Dr. Grossmann. I've been asked this question before in the past few weeks, but today it all clicked. "Why wait? Why not have surgery to have the 'spot' removed and then have it tested? Why go through another endoscopy and biopsy and wait for results AND then have surgery?" Good question, one we've all asked, I think. And here's my uneducated, but confident (thanks to Dr. G's expert explanations) answer:

There is good reason to have the endoscopy and the biopsy first to determine with certainty what this thing is because whatever it turns out to be, there will be a specialist to handle it from beginning to end. Dr. G is not that specialist - he specializes in Melanoma, specifically in the neck and head. This thing certainly does not fit that criteria. While my dear Dr. Bradley (who performed my two neck surgeries) would be my Surgeon of Choice, he has nothing to do with anything below the neck either. Dr. Adler is a Gastro-doctor, specializing in disorders of the bowels, stomach, intestines, etc., but he is not specifically a cancer doctor. If - and I'm saying IF while whispering "Miracles & Hope, Miracles & Hope" - if this turns out to be some sort of new cancer/tumor/whatever, a specialist who knows just what to do, just what to say, just where to lead & guide me will come to the rescue as a new member of my team. He (or she) will be beside me through surgery and whatever comes after. I feel reassured by that. It really is something that constantly amazes me. I also feel confident that this has not become an emergency situation - if my docs are okay with waiting until March 7 and beyond for results from the biopsy, I will trust them and wait as patiently as I can. I am not in any pain, I have no lumps or bumps or twinges that tell me there is something of concern lurking beneath my skin, and I am living each day with energy and strength. And miracles are still happening almost daily - today I had my normal "standing order" blood test at the lab (because of the blood thinners I'm taking) and the results came back "therapeutic" for the third or fourth time in a row. Dr. Beckstead messaged me that I don't need to go in for another blood test for a whole month, instead of bi-weekly. Now, there's something I am happy to "wait" to do. One of these times, he's going to say, "You know what? You don't need to take those pills again!" Oh, happy day!

So, we wait...and now you know why.