Get Outta Here

Last radiation treatment this morning. I can't pretend that it wasn't a little bittersweet. I had such high hopes that these tumors would be gone - or at least considerably smaller - after 20 days of being zapped full strength. But, they're still there & they're still big. The docs & I speculate that they're shrinking, but by millimeters instead of centimeters. It's disappointing. Of course, both Dr. A and Dr. G assure me that they'll continue to shrink, especially in combination with IPI. It's just hard to wait. I want to wake up one morning and wonder where those nasty buggers have gone.

Yesterday was the long, exhausting day of both radiation & IPI infusion No. 2. The weather was gray and gloomy, spitting rain and cold, and I couldn't get comfortable during the four hours I spent in the

 Infusion Center. I read my latest library book, watched an episode of "Call the Midwife" on my iPad, scrolled through Pinterest, watched the clouds scuttle over the valley, held Putter (the therapy doggy) & talked to his owner, and waited to be done. Even had to hold back the tears when I realized the patient across the way from me, stretched out the full length of the recliner & sound asleep while chemo dripped into his veins, was just a boy, probably high school age - and the woman sitting next to him, playing games on her purple iPad, was his sweet mom. My heart ached. What if that was MY high schooler? I'd much rather be the one hooked to toxins. 

I was grateful that my favorite UCS tech, Mary, was on duty this morning for my last day. She has been so sweet & kind to me, treating me with the utmost dignity, in spite of having to see me indecent from the front & the back. Always eager to hear how I was doing, how my day was going, what I had planned to keep life as normal as possible. At the last minute, I decided to make a "last day" sign & take my camera to document the day, and Mary was happy to do that for me. There's a tradition to ring a bell to celebrate finishing treatment & the office staff and techs all applauded when I rang the bell. Dr. A said to ring it loud to scare away the "cancer demons". I rang it long & loud!  I also loved how she always ended each exam by telling me to "get outta here and have a great day." Every time, the same thing. Today was no different - "get outta here..." and have a great life. That's what I pray for. That's what I hope for. That's what I'm living for.