Light & Dark

I'm sitting in the sun, moving the chair as the light scoots across the sky, and it feels sooo good, but not quite enough. I almost want it to scald me, like when I turn the knob to the hot water in the shower until it bites - yes, I really do that. It doesn't help my dry, itchy skin, but it soothes me for a few seconds , and so I continue to sit here, wishing there was more warmth and more light coming through the panes of glass. I hesitate writing this post because I'm depressed - mostly from the lack of light & warmth in my world of winter inversion - but also because I'm carrying some heavy burdens right now. Emails & texts have gone out (phone service is still sketchy), but everyone has their own weight to carry and I don't want to make this a sob-fest. So, I'll move my chair one more time before the sun goes behind the house across the street & I"ll resist crawling under my fleece blanket on the couch until I've finished this post. No more complaints for now. No more to say. Today's sob story ended.

I went to see Dr. Adler at the University last Thursday. My memories of him from two years ago we're not that complimentary; I thought he was blunt, hurried, and a little too high-and-mighty. This time, he came into the room cheerful, personable, concerned for my well-being, and ready to shake my hand. What a pleasant switch! We talked about my Whipple surgery and the symptoms that brought me to his office this time. We talked about the effect of having one-third of my pancreas surgically removed & how that relates to my symptoms now. We talked about my Creon prescription and how it should help my body absorb nutrients, digest food properly, and get rid of waste normally, none of which it was doing effectively. He asked if I had been told how to take the pills and I admitted that the only direction I  had received was what was written on the prescription bottle: Take 2-3 capsules with every meal and snack. He said, "When are you taking them?" I told him I usually take 2 after every meal. He shook his head. "That's the worst time to take them." He further explained that if I'm taking the capsules AFTER a meal, I'm already playing "catch-up", and because of my shortened bowel, the food has already moved quickly through the tract & is pretty much "on its way out" before the Creon enzymes can take effect. If I take them BEFORE the meal, the enzymes are ahead of the food & have no positive action in digestion or absorption. The ideal method for taking the enzyme is to have 3 capsules at my plate: take one before I start to eat, take one midway through the meal, and take the final capsule right as I finish. "Even waiting 10 minutes after a meal is too long," he said, which is what was happening 90% of the time. No wonder I wasn't getting any relief after taking the capsules! Dr. Adler said he was amazed at how often people were NOT told the proper way to use the Creon. Someone is falling down on the job somewhere! He said he expected I would feel more normal within a matter of days. Wow! Already there is a dramatic difference. I'm very encouraged. He also showed me the latest CT scan of my pancreas and just what the "cut end" looks like. He said that if this proper way of taking the Creon doesn't work, the next step would be to investigate if that "end" is properly sealed. If it isn't, it could come down to being surgically repaired. But, Dr. Adler (and others, including myself) has only good things to say about my surgeon, Dr. Scaife, so that is a very remote possibility. Thank goodness. I certainly don't want another pancreas surgery in my lifetime. I go back to see Dr. Adler on March 4 to see how things are working out.

That was definitely a "good news" day & I needed it desperately. It was a sweet answer to prayers and I was very grateful. It was a ray of sunshine and a burst of warmth that offered some relief to the gray, hazy skies that even the sun can't penetrate. Tiny drops of mercy (and this darling 6-month old!) are keeping me going...