The Next (sort of scary) Steps

March 25, 2011: Phone call from Carol, Dr. Bradley's very efficient nurse. She says she has a long message from Dr. Bradley with lots of information and she'll wait for me to grab a paper and pen. My heart pounds.

1. Dr. Bradley faxed over all my information to Dr. Andtbaka at the Huntsman Cancer Center. Dr. A reviewed the files and has determined that I do not need further surgical intervention. I breathe a very small sigh of relief.

2. Dr. A has referred me to Dr. Ken Grossman, also of the Huntsman Cancer Center. In the next few days, his office will call to schedule an office visit to determine medication and treatment options. Okay...

3. It has been determined (not sure by whom - I must have been listening to my pounding heart and trying to figure out how to spell "Grossman" and missed what Carol said) that I should undergo radiation therapy. From previous discussions, I know melanoma is not killed by radiation, but I trust that any other mean thing lurking in the shadows will be scared witless by this therapy. I get a little shaky, thinking about it, but I have put my trust in these people - and in God - and so far, they have given me miracles and hope.

4. Dr. Bradley has not gone before the Tumor Board yet - that meeting is next Wednesday. He will still let me know if there is any further information from them at that point.

5. Dr. B is also referring me to Dr. Abazonas (spelled phonetically and is most likely completely wrong). She is a radialogical oncologist at the Utah Cancer Center. I have an appointment with her on April 12. I am assuming that she will set up the radiation treatments and oversee that part of my life from here on out.

I hang up the phone, trembling. I'm not sure how to feel. I guess I'm still a little fragile from having my neck sliced open just eight days ago. I guess I'm also in a bit of denial, wishing all the bugs were gone forever and I didn't have to think about radiation (isn't that what's floating around in Japan right now that people are RUNNING from - and I'm going to purposely and voluntarily give it permission to touch me??). I guess in a way, I'm not ready for "next steps". I'm barely putting one foot in front of the other some days. But thank heaven for doctors who keep the wheels moving, who call and tell you about appointments that are already made, who know people who know people who know people, all in the extremely positive approach to keeping you alive and well and with your family. After all, that's what I'm praying for. That's what my hope is.

So, I'll do what they say. I'll climb to that next rung, however shaky, and keep looking heavenward.

Dean, Janessa, and I leave soon to (hopefully) welcome a baby to earth in the next few days! It will be the first time in 10 days that my mommy isn't right by my side to dab my incision with ointment, rub lotion into my feet, warm up my lunch, and tuck me into bed for naps & night. It will be good to lean on my hubby for a few days. I'm off to pack up my troubles...and smile into the face of a newborn baby.