A little piece of Freedom

Friday, June 1, was not only my sweetie's birthday, but it was the day we finally got to visit with Dr. Scaife, my surgeon...one whole month after the surgery itself.  I wish I could say that I was peppy and healthy and leaping tall buildings, but the truth was that Dean wheeled me from the valet parking at Huntsman to the elevators and down the long, long hall to the clinics.  My legs are still pretty wobbly and I knew that jaunt would be taxing.  Lindsey joined us and we waited almost TWO hours to talk to Dr. Scaife.  I had my list of questions and requests, and I'm happy to say that she granted all my wishes.  I am now "baggage-free"--no more drains or PICC line, no more TPN feedings through the night!  I feel I can really move forward, even though this means I am in charge of my own nutrition...a scary thing since I believe my stomach is the size of a pea.  It's hard to eat and drink normally; my tummy rumbles and rolls, I burp constantly, and sometimes I literally have to clench my teeth to keep everything down.  I have my good days and bad; the bad is when I spend from "dinnertime" (loosely-speaking) to bedtime feeling like a butter churn.  The good days are when I am comfortable and feel energy from a glass of juice or a piece of grilled chicken.  Ah, to eat pizza again!

I am so grateful to my wonderful "nurses", Lindsey and Dean.  Lindsey was a stalwart--here in the morning to unhook the TPN, here at night to mix the formula and hook me back up again.  I miss her and the little girls and their "normalcy" in this sick house.  Dean was the drain emptier (a gross job) and finger pricker (for blood sugar tests) and the "keep the house going" guy--doing laundry and dishes and general pick-up without a word from me.  My birthday dinner was wonderful, thanks to Lindsey and Aaron.  Delicious food, a candle in my strawberry shortcake, a chorus of "Happy Birthday" from ALL my kids & grands (even Chelsea's family via Face Time).  I can't say thank you enough.  I'll be forever thankful.

Now, to build strength.  I discovered that I lost another 15-20 pounds since May 1, and when I look at myself, I'm a little alarmed.  My face is thin and I have a whole new batch of "pain wrinkles" (especially when I clench my teeth).  My perpetually "fat" calves have wasted away to nothing--no wonder I'm wobbly.  But, every day gets a little better.  The fact that I've been able to sit here at my computer and update the blog is testament to that.  I can finally see the sunlight and actually enjoy it.  What an ordeal!  Remind me never to do that again...