It's Not All About ME

June 6, 2011: First day of summer vacation from school! Ness is already settled into her favorite reading spot with a stack of books beside her. That's my girl.

Now that I'm coming to the end of my radiation treatments (TOMORROW is the last one!), I recognize that not everyone cares to hear all the minute details of this journey. I guess I'm kind of a blabbermouth when it comes to updating anyone who casually asks, "So, how are you?" I don't stop to think, "Do you REALLY want to know? Or are you asking out of habit?" Generally, I launch into the latest side effects, which I have to admit are pretty gross, and I see people cringe inside and start to back away, as if to say, "Okay, too much information, thanks." I know I've said it before in this blog - I really DON'T have to share everything, but sometimes (well, almost all the time) I do, and I apologize. Really. I'm sorry.

I know I'm not the only one to go through this trauma. I know I'm not the only one who's got (or had) cancer and has to go through (or has gone through) radiation or chemo or daily doctor visits or scans or tests. I know there are a bazillion people out there - some in my own family and neighborhood - who have battled silently and continue to live quietly, as if nothing happened to tip their world upside down. I salute them, I really do. I greatly admire their courage, their independence, their tenacity, their "just go and get it done" attitude, their ability to keep a smile on their face and hide the unmentionables in a corner somewhere. I am amazed at the way they nonchalantly say, "Yes, I've had (or have) cancer - what about it?" Seriously, those people are Warriors with a capital W.

I'm not, I guess. I feel like I have to document, whether in type or by word of mouth, just what strategy was employed today - and all the other days - and what the outcome was: the casualties, the wounds, the losses, as well as the gains, the joys, the steps forward. I'm definitely a Private in the army, a new recruit, an initiate. And if I start spouting off like I think I'm the Top Dog, the 4-Star General, just pat me on the head and tell me to go to the back of the line. I'm still a greenie, a newbie.

Someday, I may get to the point where these posts simply say, "Great day. Nothing new to report. Having a wonderful life." I'll go back to my standard answer to the proverbial, "How are you?" automatic question, by saying, "Just fine, thanks." That's all anybody really wants to hear anyway. Someday, it will be true.