Seven Days Later

Thursday, September 22, 2011: One week ago, about this same time of day, I was in surgery for this lovely left neck dissection. Seven days. A lot can happen in seven days. A lot DID happen in seven days. A lot more will happen in the next seven days: healing, strength, amnesia about the whole stressful time. Things will get better, I know. But, I'm giving fair warning: I'm going to complain a bit today.

Don't get me wrong. I feel very blessed. I feel the miracles that have come to me the past seven days (and the past almost three weeks). But, I still have to look in the mirror every morning. I guess I could try not to, but that's almost impossible. Thus, a bit of complaining...

My bottom lip doesn't work right. It gets in the way when I try to bite into something. The nerve is slowly healing, but it still wants to stay in a straight line up over my bottom teeth on the left side. I've learned to pull it down with my thumb when I take a bite of food. It also hinders my speech, which makes me feel kind of silly. "mfmfmmff...what did you say?" I play with it self-consciously when I'm talking to people. I'm sure they love to watch that.

Now that I've had both sides of my neck "done", there is a nice floppy turkey gobbler right in the middle under my chin. I suppose I'm now a great candidate for liposuction under there. A slight nod or movement sends it into tremors. Wonder if a chin strap would help? Maybe a bonnet with a big wide ribbon? So much for the idea of a nice "contoured" neck with this thing flapping around in the middle.

My neck and shoulder are very stiff today. I know it's all part of the healing. Things inside are tightening and rearranging themselves and trying to figure out where they want to live now that the trauma is over. I try to elongate, but it hurts. I suppose I really will have to have physical therapy now, not only for the right side, but for the left, too. Wonderful. "Turn your head to the right, turn your head to the left, look up, look down, and move it all around." A little hokey-pokey on the brain...

I've got a cramp in my right calf that is driving me crazy. The worry-wart in me is sure it's a blood clot from those first days in the hospital (the very reason they make you wear those horrible compression socks and cuffs), but Dr. Bradley (and others) have checked it and don't think it is, especially since I had a terrible "charlie-horse" there the night before my surgery that brought me right up out of bed to walk it out. It still aches, especially when I've been sitting with my leg down for a while. It's crazy. The silly thing hurts worse than my neck wound.

A little worried about getting my 19 staples out tomorrow morning. I know it will hurt. Might even bleed a little. But, at least I won't feel like I've been patched up by Home Depot.

My hair is ugly. I want it longer - now! - to cover up this latest wound, but it seems to have stopped growing, except on top. Still losing a mound every day. If that bit would just stay in on the bottom, I'd be Rapunzel by now. I've promised myself a trip to a stylist who will customize something perfect just for me, but I need to be a little better healed before I can do that. I at least have to have the staples out and be able to lean my head back into a wash basin, right? Don't think I can do that for a bit, yet. So, I walk by the hall mirror and wince at the reflection of my crazy hair...and my crazy neck...and yes, even that big red ZIT that decided to make its appearance a few days ago on the side of my nose. Really??

Okay, I think I'm done complaining for now. What a vain creature I am! Here I've seen miracles for myself and my family every day for the past 20 days (and more) and I'm moaning about the way I look! Just give me a minute and I'll get hit in the face with the fact that I'm ALIVE, my sweet mom is ALIVE, there are no cancer cells in my body right now, I don't have to have radiation, I've got the best family in the world, I've got a yummy loaf of chocolate chip zucchini bread on my counter, I've got $20 in my wallet, and I've got a comfy bed that's calling to me for a nap. Deep breath... there... feeling better...