Ruts in the Road

Monday, March 26, 2012: I told my mom this past week that I've felt like I'm on a roller coaster. Work is keeping me busy - almost too busy - and I feel stressed when I can't work as much as I'd like to or feel I need to, for whatever reason. I've also been busy with church-related activities and chorus responsibilities, spending way too many nights away from home. Those are the ruts in my road. They "hang me up", make me stumble, make me tired, numb my euphoria over good news, and keep me from sleeping soundly at night. But, in spite of it all, there is always something to be grateful for and to smile about. That's what keeps my wheels turning through the ruts and helps me move ahead. Ahhh, the peace I feel when I pray. It's tangible and a necessity these days. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Saturday night was my night to choose where to go out for dinner. It was a toss-up between pizza (my all-time favorite food) and Cafe Rio (a close runner-up). With the help of my family, we chose Cafe Rio. It was busy and noisy, as usual, and we shuffled our way through the line to order our meals. Janessa and I were in front, then Mom, then Chelsea and Knox and Lachlan, with Dean bringing up the rear with Olive. I was standing at the pay counter, pulling out my dollars, when I heard Chelsea say, "Mom!" I turned around in time to see a strange man steadying Mom against the wall and asking, "Are you all right, ma'am?" All the cooks behind the glass were leaning over as far as they could and asking, "Are you all right?" and I could see that Mom was swaying, pale and in pain. I asked Ness what had happened and she said that Gram had fallen. "To the ground?" I asked in disbelief, and Ness nodded yes. I went to Mom and put my arm around her. The cooks were still preparing the meals and shouting their choices at her and she was obviously confused and disoriented. Somehow, we made it through the line, supporting each other, and got Mom to a table. We asked her if she was in pain and she said her shoulder really hurt. I asked Chelsea what had happened and she said that Mom turned to her in the line and said, "I think my foot has fallen to sleep." Chels was holding Knox and thought she should turn around and ask Dean to come help Mom, but right then, Mom tried to take a step forward and fell, her foot and leg completely numb. We asked Mom if we needed to go to the ER to get checked out and she said, "No, I think if I go home and put heat on my shoulder, it will feel better." We tried to eat - Mom took about two bites, I think - and realized that she was not using her left arm at all, but holding it near her body. Chels and I finally convinced her that she needed to go to the ER and she agreed, saying that the pain was getting worse. Getting up out of the chair was agonizing for her. She could walk okay, but lifting herself up and then setting herself back down in the car was tortuous. Chels drove her to the ER with Dean and Ness and I following behind. I stayed with her while everyone else went home with the kids.

In many ways, it was strange to me to be back at Lakeview Emergency where we assembled after Mom's collapse last September. A lot of the hard memories came back. How frightened we all were! I wasn't as scared this time, but I was sick to think that she might be badly injured again and not knowing what trials were ahead. She was teary. Even before we saw the doctor, she said that if she had to go through surgery, she didn't think she would make it. The nurses were extremely kind. We joked about the accident happening at Cafe Rio and "ruining a good meal." Her doctor was Dr. Linke Hebrew, a good no-nonsense guy. He knew Mom's primary doctor, Dr. Wesley Barney, and even asked her if he was the "old Dr. Barney or the kid Dr. Barney." He ordered an x-ray and sent Mom into a panic when he said that she would probably need to get into a gown for the test, since he couldn't see the x-ray going through "all those clothes" (Mom was wearing a sweater and a long-sleeved tee shirt in our beautiful 60-degree weather that day). She was given pain meds to get her through the hard x-rays. She was also given a blood test to see how her Coumadin was working. The x-ray tech was wonderful. In the end, after torturing Mom for several minutes, she let her lie in the hospital bed for the x-rays. When the doctor came back in, he said, "Well, you flunked the x-ray exam. I'm afraid your shoulder is broken." He went on to explain that it was broken in a "good way", that the bones were lying together perfectly and would not require any surgery. Mom was so relieved and grateful. While we waited for the results of the blood test, we had a bit of comic relief as we listened to the patient in the bed next to Mom's explain his cut hand to the nurses - "I got mad and punched the window of my car." Really? Ouch! When the blood test came back, the nurses and Dr. Hebrew were in a tizzy. Normally, therapeutic results are anywhere from 2.0 to 3.0. Mine was low just the day before with a score of 1.8, which meant that I needed to take a double dose of Coumadin for a few days. Mom's test score came back as 14-plus!! Her blood was like water in her veins! Dr. Hebrew kept telling her how lucky she was that she didn't break the skin because she might have bled to death right there. We showed him the nasty bruises that were already forming on her hands and arms where she tried to stop herself from falling and he said that her back and shoulder would probably look ten times worse. Poor Mumsy! She vowed and promised that she wouldn't take any more meds until Dr. Barney was able to check her out and give her a new test (and in fact, she stated that she wasn't going to take ANY of her meds for a few days - not sure how wise that decision was...)

She was finally put in a sling and discharged. She joked about sleeping in Dean's comfy brown recliner for the night and "could I just take it home with me?" Chels and I got her Loritab prescription filled and tried to get everyone settled down for the night. I did worry about her all night though and shed a few tears in my pillow for the pitfalls of this life. As my sister, Laura, said, "Life is so daily, isn't it?" Just when Mom was getting stronger and able to help me through my hard tests this week, she stumbles in one of those ruts and is sidelined for the next 6-8 weeks. So unfair! But, in the midst of our grumbling, we gained two positive outlooks from the ER: when Mom told Dr. Hebrew about her horrible year, he said, "Well, then, you're just getting this out of the way so you can have a bright future!" And as the nurse was going over her discharge orders, she told Mom, "Aren't you glad this happened on the LAST day of your visit and not your first?" I love those little bits of sunshine! Up and over the ruts we go! We are also counting our blessings that this accident didn't happen when she was alone at home or somewhere help would have been hard to find. Oh, how grateful we are that she is going to be okay. I know this will be hard for my little frail momma. She may feel like she is going backwards. But, I know she can get through this hurdle with her sense of humor and her faith and the love and prayers of her family. We have to keep fighting. We just have to. We will.

(Picture: Mom and I at the cemetery on Wed, 3/21...a pensive moment)