Side (and front and back) Effects

May 16, 2011: For some weird reason, I lost a post from Thursday of last week. I think Blogger was having a pre-Friday the 13th glitch, and so my post has vanished - poof! I don't remember all I wrote, but it had to do with the side effects of my first 15 radiation treatments that are now showing themselves in my body. Yes, I'm halfway through. Today was No. 15...15 to go. Wow.

In one of my first visits with Dr. Avizonis, she said it would take 2-3 weeks for the various side effects to start popping up. Since she's a pro at this radiation stuff, I shouldn't have been so surprised Thursday morning when I felt a few dozen strands of hair in my hands as I showered. The more I washed, the more hairs fell and gathered on top of the drain. Just a few days earlier, I had told Chelsea that I needed a plan for my hair - it was growing out of control and the back was totally un-shaped and ugly. I thought I needed a hair appointment to get it "thinned". A-HA! Nature gets the clue and does its own thinning! It's been five days now since last Thursday, and every morning's shower has given me a little clump of hair to scoop up from the drain and throw in the trash. I still can't tell if it's just a widespread "thinning' or if there is a specific spot that is slowly going bare, but so far it's not noticeable. And I've been promised I will NOT go bald, so that's a plus. It just makes my intense dislike of cleaning up hairs in the bathroom a double whammy...

Friday was a melt-down day/night. I tried to pay some bills, but the money ran out in a split second. I was stressed to try to work as many hours as I could (it was the last day of my pay period, so the rush was on to earn as much as possible for this little paycheck) and I was overwhelmed by all I needed to get done for my Scentsy open house on Saturday. Janessa had been doing little jobs for me all week - like putting labels on my books and sorting through my tester jars to weed out the discontinued scents - but there was still the basic cleaning house and setting up to do. I asked Dean to vacuum for me and that was a huge service. (He even did the bedroom where no one but me would see.) Later, we took Janessa to a party and decided to go to dinner. My taste buds have slowly died (another side effect), so eating has become a burden rather than a pleasure. We went to a buffet so I'd have a bunch of different choices of what I could taste and what I couldn't and just what would fill up my tummy. It was semi-disastrous. I was craving salad, but it tasted awful. I ate about five bites. I went back for fish and vegetables. The fish was blah. I tried a roll with butter and raspberry jam and could only eat two bites. I wasted so much food. Only the green peas and clam chowder were doable. It was terribly depressing.

So, that night, as I went through my bedtime routine of flossing, brushing, rinsing, massaging goop into my scar area, I lost it. I sat on the edge of my bed and had a 60-second pity party. Poor Dean. His wife is barely recognizable lately. The hair, the taste buds, the sore throat, the dry mouth, and the stress of life just overwhelmed me. I went to sleep with tears on my cheeks, but I woke up the next morning feeling better. Didn't I say once at the beginning of my treatments that Fridays would be hard after the daily barrage of radiation? I should amend my last post to say that SATURDAYS and SUNDAYS are now my favorite days of the week, as long as I can make it through Friday.

I'm thankful that these side effects are temporary...I will be able to taste again...I will have normal hair again...I will have full energy again...I will be able to take care of myself and my family and my home like before...and Fridays will be just another day in my life. Yes. Grateful for all of that and more, like life itself. That's a big one. And since all this fuss and "fun" gives me more time with my great family, it's all worth it. Every last strand of hair and punk taste bud...