The Stories behind the Scars

May 5, 2011: A week or so ago, my sweet niece, Britnee, sent me a quote that has haunted me ever since - and not in a bad way. It keeps me looking outward, instead of in, to see beyond my small, minimal scars at what others are having to deal with.

"We must see all scars as beauty, okay? This will be our little secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived." (from the book, "Little Bee")

I follow the blog of Stephanie Nielsen, a beautiful young woman who was severely burned in a near-fatal airplane crash a few years ago. She is scarred from head to toe and is unrecognizable from her former self. But, she has the most beautiful way of looking at life now and expressing gratitude for the small, simple things. I have a lot to learn from her. I sit in the waiting room for my radiation treatments, knowing that all the other people in the chairs around me are dealing with their own nightmares, their own suffering, their own Goliaths - and yet, they come in cheerfully, they sit and work on the never-quite-finished jigsaw puzzle, they do Sudoku while they drink the nasty contrast for their scans, and they chalk up another treatment like it's a day at the gym. I'm glad I don't know their stories. I'm afraid it would crush me. But I'm also glad I can sit beside them and soak up some of their positive-ness. Look at me, their scars say: I'm a survivor.

Today, my mouth is too dry to eat crackers. Food sticks to my teeth without that little thing we take for granted, called saliva. I've mixed a concoction of salt & baking soda water to rinse out my mouth, per Dr. A's advice yesterday. It doesn't taste too good, but it works! I guess when my taste buds go in a few days, I won't care anyway.

Time for an enchilada to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I'll also eat some red grapes, as I read yesterday that they are a good cancer-fighting food. Gotta boost up those killer cells as much as possible. Go, Team, Go!