Trying to Unwrap Patience

May 31, 2011: First, I have to say that I have always felt blessed to have a holiday birthday. I grew up thinking the annual trip to the cemetery with buckets of lilacs and peonies and gladiolas were to celebrate ME; the picnics and the parades and the barbecues were the added icing on my cake. I was actually sad when the powers-that-be changed Memorial Day to a Monday - no matter the date - because that rubbed out MY holiday! Hallelujah that this year's date fell perfectly smack dab on my day again...I needed that extra burst of celebration, especially since the picnics and the barbecues were out of the question. An added silver lining was that the radiation treatment center was CLOSED! I got a three-day break! Can you hear me sighing with relief? I may not have been able to chow down on a juicy burger and chips and dips, but my heart was buoyed by flowers and cards and well wishes and hugs and kisses and precious gifts and phone calls. I have the best family. I have the best friends. I have a great life, all 52 years of it.

Today, I was back to treatment with a plate of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (I could only eat a couple...I wanted to eat the whole batch!) for my great team of technicians and doctors. I also got to visit with Dr. Avizonis and ask her about my newest side effect - BLISTERS on the right side of my tongue! I couldn't fall asleep last night for the pain - do you realize how much you move your tongue around in your mouth? Try it right now. Close your mouth. Sit still for a few minutes. Does your tongue automatically start searching your teeth and your gums and the sides of your cheeks? Now, imagine you have tiny little SORE blisters along the side of your tongue that sting and hurt with every move - yep, ouch! Dr. A looked at my (sore) throat and my (sore) tongue with her little headlamp and declared that I would benefit from the Magic Mouthwash solution from the pharmacy. It's made up of six ingredients, like Benedryl, Novocaine, Maalox (for thickness), an antibiotic, a mild steroid, and water. She also prescribed painkillers, but only as a last resort just before bed. Even before I tried it, I knew the mouthwash must be made of GOLD (at $40 a bottle), but with my first swish, I felt relief. Numbing relief. Too bad it only lasted about an hour and a half, but oooohhh... relief. I can swish up to four times a day, and I'm saving my last swish for just before bed.

At dinner tonight, I had to push away the juicy ripe FRESH pineapple (too acidic) and the zesty herb barbecued chicken (hardly any taste) and the corn on the cob (hurt my tongue to pull off the kernels) and even my glass of ice water (too cold on those open blisters). I couldn't help but think, "what a mean thing to have happen at this point in the treatments!" I thought I was going to whip this thing and just get by with eating and drinking bland for the next few weeks. Nobody warned me about blisters! But then again, maybe it's a good thing they didn't.

As of today, I only have five more treatments. FIVE!! I can do five! I just have to have a bit more patience. I'll use a straw to keep the water away from my tongue. I'll eat while the Magic Mouthwash is still half-effective. I'll use more aloe vera on my raw and sunburned neck and cheek. I'll have a little longer nap in the afternoons. I'll keep smiling because I do still have all my teeth! I'll rub that neck scar with tender care because I know all the cancer cells are gone! I'll make some new notches in my belt to keep my jeans up! I'll fluff up all the hair I still have on my head! I'll keep praying and hugging and kissing and saying thank you because I am HERE to do it!

Is it too early to plan next year's birthday? Can I have pizza and grilled hamburgers and chips with Aaron's homemade salsa and fresh pineapple and cheesecake and a salad with loads of tomatoes and avocados? Plan on it! You're all invited!